Thursday, 5 March 2009

Depressed

I am speechless when I saw this news. Ok, I could have give the link to strait times (Singapore newspaper) but I thought that blog give a better summary all in one page. In summary, a 4th year Indonesian-Chinese student in NTU stabbed his supervisor, slit his own wrist before ended his life by jumping from the 4th floor.

This tragedy makes me looked back on my years in NTU, where I spent 4 years of my study there. In some sense, I didn't recounts many sweet memories during the time, in fact I fought to forgot many of it.
I recalled the stressed nearing exam period, believe it or not most student will busily studying 2-3 month prior to exam. This can be easily observe by fully book library chair (I am talking about 4 story massive library), all the benches occupied, even canteen table is filled with student till wee hour in the morning. Now that I've tasted the life in Oxford, one of the best university in the world, I dare to say the quality life of the student here is no comparison.
I recount the hatred : in order for me to keep my place in dormitory I have to earn enough points by joining clubs that I wouldn't ever wanted to do, involved in 11-1am meeting, painting banner till dawn. Everything that I (and everyone else) did is either to get a better grade, get an answer for tutorial problems, ECA points, or a guaranteed place in dormitory. I hardly make any meaningful friendship, everyone is so busy!
I remembered the no-life-ness, the-kiasu-ness (kiasu : afraid to lose), the never ending rat race 7 days a week 24 hour a day (this include term break too!!).
On the top of that, I missed home. I miss to have my mind at rest when my granny open the door and welcome me home. Suddenly, I can forget all the pressure of school work. I can be what I am, and do what I like. I missed the nice home cooked food. I missed my church back home.

I can share a symphaty with David. In fact, he wasn't the first suicide case. My own neighbour in dormitory, my batchmate, another chinese indonesian, also took leap and end his life. I count myself fortunate. Even though I had never been suicidal, but I do feel sad, depressed and lonely. But then God lifted me up and remind me again on "How good He is". Not long after that I found a local baptist church. There I met some of the kindest soul who kept me going and stay positive. I could mention dozen of names, and I pray may God return all those kindness as your reward one day.

But having said all this, I should say that I am glad that I went thorough all those. It makes me appreciate my family more, valued my church friend more, and the most important is : my only sister didn't go the same hell as I warned my parents beforehand!!!

7 comments:

Char said...

how awful

Stardust said...

Sorry to hear about your not so good days in Sg.

I'm glad that you pulled through those awful times and become who you are today. The bad times must have made your present joy times sweeter. =)

AG said...

well, fyi si je
the story has turned out to be a bit different than the 1st story.
Mending pake bahasa indo aja ya, rada ga enak soalnya. Soalnya, kata ortu si david, ga ada luka di pergelangan tangannya, dan ada luka tusukan di leher dia. Dan itu yang ditutup2in sama media massa di sini. Di kompas dan detik sendiri, detail bekas tusukan di leher d ada semua. Sekarang lagi mulai ada kontroversi, sebenernya gimana si kejadiannya. Well.. for sure it's a scary and depressing truth...What I was thinking the 1st time I read the story, if only he knew Jesus, his life for sure will be different...

J.H said...

hi Char & AG,
I guess all I can say is, I feel very sorry for David's family, my condolances with them.

Stardust,
I should say NTU rather than singapore to be clear. My life is much better after I graduate and make more singaporean friends at work. And now, I missed the food badly!!

AG said...

want some durian or prataaa? huhuhuhu... sini sini :p

LuxeLass said...

I'm lucky to have enjoyed my Arts days in NUS. Maybe cos the course wasn't as demanding as yours. So it was totally the other way round - I played more than I studied.

It's sad to see the social support network of students is weak. You are right to say that everyone just mind their own business to achieve their own goals.

But it's just so typical of Singapore society.

J.H said...

hi luxe,

That's great. I am very happy for you!
I am just feel the pastoral care for foreigner is so less. Remember that many of them does not have family member nor a comfort feeling of home. I do feel like a cow, pressed for grades and achievement to get a self value. Culture shock, homesick, just adding to the burden.