Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Are in laws out laws?

Some of you my facebook friend might have notice.

That's right!

My mother in law is here to stay with us for the next 3 month.

Some of my friends react like my whole world will end, some nod their hand in symphaty, but some ask me "why just three month?"

I understood that in many culture, mother in law (and especially if you are her daugther in law) impose certain hard-to-explain relationship. She used to be the woman of the family her son respect and love to some extent cases even handle his salary. She probably worked extra hour for him, do his laundry, decide what he wore or what he should eat. Now that her son married, his responsibility and priority shifted toward his wife and children. On the other hand, as a daughter of someone else with certain value and upbringing, it's hard to just embrace a strange woman and call her "mom" and really meant it. Therefore, there is nothing strange is daugther in law normally does not get along very well with mother in law.

I must say I am very fortunate in this case.
Many people think they wed a great man, but very few think they had a great parent in law.
In the culture where I came from where family ties are strong, it's important to have a good relationship with parents and parent in law likewise.

My mother in law in particular, are quite easy going person. She is much better than many born again christian in law out there (sad to say).
She does not question the way me and my husband run the household, she just tries to do whatever she can to help with the cooking, taking care of my son or ironing the laundry. She doesn't fuss about what my son eats, how hard we punished him, or how much we spend on things. She is very frugal and considerate too - she is so concern about energy saving and try to be as efficient doing anything. So, in return I take her to shopping trips, bought her dress and such, take her to short holiday to places she had never seen before. After more than a week, I start to enjoy her company, filling ladies chat of family history every night, watching some indonesian sitcom in youtube, exchanging recipe, watching my son try to read books to her.

So why just 3 month?

Yes, it makes me think I wanted to confiscate her passport!


Merryn said...

You are lucky... I don't have that same luck...

Cath J said...

I am very fortunate to have a very nice and wonderful in laws too.. both my mother and father in law.. even tho they are not Christian.. but as you said they are way too kind and better that a new born Christian (1 of them is me.. T_T)..

very humble person.. and never questions anything about how we leave.. they will never eat before we eat.. sigh.. Thank God I am blessed with such in law..

Just wish and pray they will get to know Jesus.

coffeesncookies said...

you are blessed and so is she. i always believe in finding peace with MIL too. I've lost my own mom and she's the motherly figure around and I always remind myself despite shortcomings, she is my little girls grandmother. i'd say almost all i know have issues with in laws but we must set our mindset right, we never grew up with them and when 2 housewomen come together,it takes a lot of understanding and compromise on each's boundaries and expectations.

Cynthia said...

I must say that you are lucky to be in such a situation.. good for you and keep that up.. :D

Stardust said...

Whatever ties, I think the Lord has bestowed faithfully. I rejoice over your precious relationship with your in-law, and how you take care of her. These 3 months must be so precious and flying fast, have a good time!

Anonymous said...

i had my MIL visit me for a month last year and it drove me insane (and that too was at a time when hubby was away!).

J.H said...

hi girls,
I'll be interested to hear your view about in laws in your blog. If you have a link drop me a comment :-)

coffeesncookies said...

I really wouldn't want to talk about inlaws in my blog and sometimes I'd rather they didn't know I blog. :d) I'm on good terms with my in laws (PIL, BIL, MIL). There was a time when things weren't rosy but I chose to look at it from a different angle and respect them as my in laws and my little girls grandparents. All I can say is we need to be forgiving and understanding. Choose to hear, not choose to be heard, we'll be a happier DIL.