It's been 2 months now since my husband is gone. I am counting down in less than 5 weeks my husband will be here in common ground!
No doubt there is a lot of changes need to be made around our life since he left. Normally I would share housework with him, talk to him before bed, chat with him while do some cooking together, pray together with him, share some thoughts on God's word, spend weekends walking in the park together and push my son on his bicycle or swings and sang some special in church on sunday.
And I have to admit, when I come to think about it all... it is not easy to deliberaltely choose to let go some precious moment like that. It's hard for me, who is an adult. I imagine how hard could that be for my son - who barely understand what's going on.
He usually has his dad pushes his swings, chase him in the park, fly kite together, wrestle on his bed, read him books before he sleeps, soak in the bath tub and have father and son chat. None of that would have happen now.
I often wonder what he thinks, what he feels inside his little mind. Does he miss his dad? Is he confused?
I must say Josiah has adapt fabulously to change of lifestyle. Eversince his dad's gone, Josiah suddenly realise that he often left alone while I tried to sort of dinner or laundry. He suddenly realise both of us has to run errands together, to the post office, grocery store, school, church - whether it is rain or shine, hot or freezing cold, whether he likes it or not. He realise that no one will be able to carry him anymore since my hand normally pretty occupied with his schoolbags, my own bag, or even grocery bags. He realise that he had to go bed without me reading him books at times because I was just so tired. He realise he can't be very picky about what to eat or when to eat because I only have time to cook him 1 type of food a day. He realise that he need to go to bed on his own because I will still have long to do list when it was his time for bed. He realise he had to sit quietly alone in church since I played the piano during the service. He realise we won't go to the park as often now, because saturday is my day to catch up with a lot of homework that I can't do on weekday. In fact for the past 2 months we had not eat out, had not play swings not bicycle.
How can I not feel sorry for my son?
But, isn't it life is hard, there's when we learn from it.
I praise my son for not complaining about what happens around him, instead he changed himself for the better.
He determined to learn to read, so he can read books before he goes to bed. He helped me putting in laundry, picking up his toys, so that I can finish up my chores faster and we had time for cuddles. He said to himself that all food taste good and therefore he should give it a try. He decide to learn to open fridge so he won't bother me too much if he need some comfort snack since dinner is late. He took 100 page story book so that he can sit quietly in church. He decided he'll help me to carry grocery bag or his school bag. He decide that he needs to put on his own trousers, socks and shoes (although it took him about 20 minutes!). He decide to take pleasure helping me cooking instead playing in the park or riding his bike.
He decided to be happy and just enjoy his life and be content.
I just can thank my Lord for giving me such a soul.
I am just so proud to watching growing up.